OBJECTION!

The proverbial straw that broke
the proverbial camel's back
of my bite-your-lip forbearance
was deposited last night.
It was a word spoken in a TV commercial.
The speaker, a young woman
-- 22 or 23, I'd guess --
had just popped into her mouth
a "brand new, all-natural,
delightfully refreshing"
(according to the words flashed
on the screen in neon yellow letters)
stick of chewing gum.
She turned her smiling face
to us, the viewers, and spoke
the word: AWESOME.

Okay, okay, I confess. I lost it,
shouted at the screen
my one word -- NOOOO!

Chewing gum flavor may be sweet
or minty, perhaps pleasingly
tasty, but it simply
can not be awesome.

Words have power.
Let's show some respect.


P.S. Okay, I'll admit, I am a former English teacher, but still . . .

AUGUST SENTRIES

I see them now,
the solidago, tall and bright
and yellow, standing
at attention along country
roads, end-of-summer soldiers.

Ninety years ago, my mother
was thrilled by their appearing.
I know because she told me.
"I loved to see the goldenrod,"
she said. "It meant that
school would soon begin."

I could not understand.
I hated school, dreaded
summer's end, questioned
Mother's sanity. Not out loud,
of course. I kept my dread
inside. I went out back
and walked along the creek.
I found a rank of goldenrod.
I took a stick and
hacked them to the ground.

MARIA AND FORREST

When I got there I saw
she was devastated. She had
come home and found him lying
unconscious in the bath tub,
half immersed in blood and
water. "I'm Catholic," she said.
"I believe it is a mortal sin,
even if he doesn't. Please go see
him. He's in St. Mark's. Tell him
he must not try again."

I went. I had misgivings.
What right had I to tell
a man whose very breath
rasped his chest what he should
or shouldn't do? But her
tears had pulled from me
the promise. I went.

The room was dim,
the late afternoon sun trying
feebly to enter. He looked
at me once, then turned his
gaze away. His face was pasty pale.

"I know why you've come,"
he said. "She sent you."
"Yes," I said. A long
silence then. I broke it.
"It's your life," I told him.
"But will you promise me,
for her sake, what I know
I have no right to ask?"
He gave the merest nod.

I thanked him.
I left.

GUNS

"The only thing that stops a bad guy
with a gun is a good guy with a gun."
-- Wayne LaPierre, NRA executive vice president

Let's divide the human race
Let's call some good guys
Let's call the rest bad guys
Let's give them all guns
Let's line them up for a shootout
It's that simple

Isn't it?

MEETING NAN

Last night I met Nan.
I remembered her from when I was
eight and she would have been --
let's say -- fifteen. She was
our neighbor's niece, had come
to visit from the big city. She did
not speak to me and surely
never gave me a thought then
or later. She had long legs
and arms. She was beautiful.

Sixty years later when she walked
into my dream, I recognized her
at once. We exchanged a few words.
I could tell she found me witty,
even charming. She leaned towards
me when I spoke. I made her smile.
We talked some more. She laughed
and touched my wrist with her right
hand. "Kiss me, Nan," I said.
"How did you know my name?" she said.

MISUNDERSTANDING

Chloe, our beagle, bit me
when I was ten. I had placed
her food in her dish, then
reached out to pet her.
She growled. I saw what was
coming, turned to get away.
She slashed my hand, deep.

My father, dressing the wound,
did not blame the dog, did
not realize how stunned
I was that my good intentions
had been misunderstood.

It was a lesson that has served
me well on many occasions.

WORD CHOICE

Away with "Golden Ager"
and "Senior Citizen."
I prefer to describe
myself as "seasoned."
The word carries with it not merely
an allusion to the many winters
and summers one has weathered
but also a whiff of spice, a tangy
taste that defies blandness.
"Seasoned" implies wisdom, a view
of life tested by time and circumstance.
Hearing it spoken, one hears an echo
of "reasoned," a word that suggests
calm appraisal of any situation.
There's even a hint of craftiness.
Someone seasoned is the very opposite
of gullible, won't fall for the clever sales
pitch, can spot a phony in a flash,
is increasingly unwilling to abide fools.

Don't call me "up in years,"
"over the hill," "put out to pasture."

Call me seasoned.