BETHSAIDA

"Jesus said to him . . . ‘Do you want to be made well?'"

                             -- John 5:6

When he approached, I supposed
he was just another up-country
rube, come to the big city to gawk,
then go back home and tell them
all how wonderful and terrible
the trip had been . . . "You wouldn't
believe the poor beggars I saw spread
out around a pool of water they actually
believed could heal them" . . . so when
he asked his question I had to
choke back the bitter laugh rising
in my throat. What did he think --
that I came here day after day
because I enjoyed the view?

It was his look that changed everything.
It was . . . how shall I put it? . . .
intense. Yes, but more than that
. . . compelling. It compelled me
to say how and why I was the way
I was, still cramped down with
sickness and self-loathing.
I made my usual excuse and saw
at once he knew the truth
of it . . . that I feared more
than anything to do what
he ordered me to do . . . get up
and walk . . . stand up and make
my way into life.

I got up. I walked.